I'm desperate to be something else
Wanting success, but bringing disappointment
Willing to weep but unable to change
Desiring happiness but I'll stay the same.
Conscious of the price of my ego
Tics of failure bring sorrow anew
Despite repetition of mounting mistakes
I regress into this horrible state -
Sleepless nights of distraction
From a flickering screen,
thinking "I should have"
But guilt's a deep grave
Fragile will, irresolute and dismissible
Paper thin masks hide the shame
Disappointment of others, despite my plans
No, my true desires bore fruit and this began
A cycle of error I'm caught in
Where pain leads to sorrow, sorrow feeds lethargy
Lethargy ignites desire, yet desire brings pain
All the while, thinking what I gain
by being so distraught.
A part of who I am:
discreet failures, tacit fronts
Hide a true, unchanging runt
Prone to dreams of grandeur
Of puffed up pride and praise
Yet in actions sorely lacking
My sorrys, they are stacking
without recourse, due a whip -
I have remorse, its not enough
For every promise I have broken
For every new one I am given
The thought remains, unsaid but strong
This time, what will I do wrong?
